Traps of Our Own Actions
by Silly Lily 17
Summary: The Cullens left in New Moon but never returned. Bella tries to move on and keep her thoughts of Edward away. Her world is turned upside down again though, when she moves to NYC and sees the last person she was expecting to see.
1. Your biggest mistake

Traps of Our Own Actions  
Chapter One: Your Biggest Mistake

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

_What am I, darlin'?  
A whisper in your ear?  
A piece of your cake?  
What am I, darlin'?  
The boy you can fear?  
Or your biggest mistake?  
-Cheers Darlin' (Damien Rice)_

_"I'm no good for you, Bella."  
"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."  
"My world is not for you," he said grimly.  
"What happened with Jasper -- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"  
"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."  
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay---"  
"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

_ Page 69 - New Moon_

///////////////////////////

Charlie didn't think Bella, his one and only daughter, his little girl, should be moving to New York City.

"You're still a baby, Bells," he said, exasperated. Charlie Swan was leaning against the door frame of his daughter's bedroom. He had aged more physically in the past few months than he thought possible. His dark brown hair was becoming increasingly streaked with shiny grays, and the wrinkles in his forehead looked as if they had been carved out of stone, rather than they'd gradually development since Bella told him she was moving out.

"Dad, " she began, pausing briefly to plan out her next words. "I'm doing this, okay? I have to do this." There was a pleading look in her eyes. Bella needed her dad to be okay with this. She has already gotten her degree at the University of Washington School of Medicine in Seattle. She has spent enough time away from home. Why had he not gotten used to this yet?

_Because its 2500 miles away this time. Because you are moving to New York City. Hardly the safest place for a person like you to be, _said a velvet voice in Bella's ear.

_Dammit. _She thought. Bella had been struggling with this since he left. She had begun to hear his voice less and less as time went on, but it was still there, haunting her.

Recently, the voice has been trying to convince her that moving to New York was a stupid idea. Bella cringed when she heard it this time. He was ridiculing her. Or rather, she was ridiculing herself, passing it off as him. She knew that it was a stupid idea to move there on her own, but she felt she needed to do this. For some inexplicable reason, Bella felt like she belonged there, as if there was some sort of magnetic pull, dragging her towards the city, whispering sweet words of confidence to her. _You'll be happy there._ It was probably a lie, but curiosity got the best of her.

Bella suddenly snapped out of her day dreaming. Charlie was speaking to her, and she hadn't heard a word he said.

"Bella? Bella, are you even listening?"

She looked at him apologetically. "Sorry dad..I didn't catch that?"

"Figures," he grumbled, "I said you should probably be getting to bed. You have a long day ahead of you." He bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek, turned, and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Charlie still didn't know Bella's secret. In fact, no one knew Bella's secret. Even Alice, had missed that bit of information. She has been so desperately hiding away her visions of Bella from Edward's prying mind reading, that she did not notice the change Bella had gone through shortly after the Cullens left.

Victoria had gotten her revenge merely hours after Edward left Bella alone in the woods. She came across Bella's sent, and tracked her down, so that she could bite her, and left her to suffer - or die- on her own. Bella woke up three days later in the woods, miraculously without a single craving for blood. It was something she had yet to understand. Why wasn't she thirsty? From everything she had read, and had been told, the amount of self control that the Cullen's had took years of practice, and yet for some reason, Bella was unfazed by the sent of a humans blood. She felt no thirst, no _need_ for blood. In the years since their disappearance, Bella had never bitten a single person. She had survived on animals just like they did.

Bella covered up her absence by lying to Charlie. She eventually returned home, after she was confident enough that she would not hurt him, or anyone else. He was furious with her and her explanation, but he believed her. After all, it was good to have his daughter back, safe and sound. So what if she had unexpectedly left for Seattle for a few days to 'try and start over, and move on from Edward'? He believed it was plausible, and that was all that counted. Of course, there were certain things that Bella had a hard time explaining to her father. Her sudden change of appearance was supposedly because while in Seattle, she had decided to take better care of herself, believing that she was in serious need for some change. Charlie accepted this, and had nodded mutely when she told him. _It must be a woman thing, _he had thought, and he never brought it up again.

Her body temperature change was a different story that Bella could not explain. Eventually, Charlie had stopped asking, although Bella often wore more covering clothing so that if he came in contact with her skin, in a hug for example, he would be less likely to notice.

Bella moved away to school soon after her transformation, meaning less time with Charlie, but also less time spent trying to hide. At school, she did not need to pretend to go to bed, whilst secretly sneaking out the window to hunt. She could spend her nights studying for lessons, working on her assignments. All those long nights had seemingly payed off, because Bella was now heading into an internship at 's Hospital a year earlier than she should be.

Bella sighed. She had another long night ahead of her, pretending to sleep. She packed the final few articles of clothes into the suit case sitting open on her bed, and zipped it shut. Bella pulled it off the edge and let it fall to the floor with a loud _thud._

_Damn_, she thought. At least it wouldn't bring Charlie running. He hadn't noticed that she had the gracefulness that accompanied being a vampire, not that he would have been able to put two and two together. Sometimes to keep up the act as a human, she would stumble intentionally.

Bella began to slide the suitcase across the floor as quietly as she could, intending to push it away from the bed and up against the wall, when she realized it was caught on something. With ease, Bella picked it up and dropped it down next to her, and saw a gaping hole in her floor. One of the boards must have been loose, and was flipped up with the impact of the suitcase. That however, was not what caught her attention. It was the pile of items shoved into the small space that drew her attention.

Bella sat down on her kness. Inside the hole in the floor, there was an envelope with her name written on it, a box for a car radio, and a cd. Bella felt her heart jolt, or rather it would have, had it still been beating. With shaking hands, she reached down, and picked up the items. Instinctively, Bella grabbed her small stereo and pulled it towards herself. She flipped open the top and shoved the cd inside, smashing the play button with aggression.

She knew what the cd was long before the stupid old stereo began to play. Remorse hit her hard. She should not be listening to this. Stupid, fucking curiosity. It had gotten the best of her again.

But Bella couldn't bring herself to stop the cd. The music drew her in, drowning her in emotions that she had not let herself feel for a long time. The barriers she had built for herself suddenly came crashing down. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't ignore the feelings she had bottled up. Bella began to sob, tearless sobs. She curled herself up in a ball on the floor.

She spent the entire night that way; Edward's piano music softly playing in the background. It was almost, _almost_, like he was there next to her, humming her lullaby in her ear, singing her to sleep like he used to. Only this time, she wouldn't be sleeping, and this time he wouldn't be holding her.

///////////////////////////////

Days later, Bella had moved in to her little apartment in New York. Charlie had come with her initially to help set up the few items she had brought with her, and helped he pick out some basic, cheep furniture from a store near by. He stayed over night, and flew back to Forks early the next morning. Bella missed him already.

"What to wear.." Bella muttered to herself. She had an hour before her first day as an intern. She looked around her room nervously and thought instantly of Alice. What would Alice suggest she wore today? _No._ she thought. _Don't do this to yourself, Bella. The other night was one time. It won't happen again. _

Ever since discovering her birthday gifts hidden under the floorboards in her old bedroom, Bella had been forced to start her regime all over again. She had to repackage her thoughts of the Cullens, especially of Edward. They had come back out in the open- a place that left her feeling vulnerable. She should have been stronger, but with every moment that she thought about them again, she became like a pile of rubble.

This was New York though. A completely different city than Forks, which Bella believed to be the perfect place to begin a new life, in a line of work that surprisingly, she handled very well since her transformation. Before becoming a vampire, she would not handle the site or even _smell_ of blood. But now, there she stood, a young vampire, ready to go start work as a Doctor's intern in _a hospital._ If one thing was sure, she was fucking proud of herself. She had never heard of another vampire as young as her with such powerful restraint. She didn't know why she was like that, but she accepted it happily nonetheless.

Finally, Bella was ready to go. The nerves kicked in as she thought about what she was about to do, but she had to stop herself and laugh for a moment. Had she been human right now, she would be a thousand times more nervous. She had that to be thankful for.

Slipping on a pair of dressy, but appropriate shoes, Bella left the apartment and headed to the hospital. Fortunately for the interns, today was just a day to meet with their doctors and get to know one another better. The intention was to learn their work history, and give the doctors a better idea of their knowledge. Before hand, each Doctor would have gotten a chance to read over their resume and pick an intern they wanted to assign to themselves. This intern would shadow them for the next year. Bella prayed she got someone kind. However, she mentally prepared herself for the worst. For all she knew she could end up being stuck with a doctor who hate her guts.

She laughed to herself as she thought about her nerves. She wasn't really nervous about hiding her secret at least. That was good. After all, Carlisle had been able to do it for a very long time. Bella stopped herself right there. _No more Cullens. None. _

When Bella arrived at the hospital, there was an intense atmosphere. The usual hustle bustle of doctors, nurses and patients, racing down the halls in various directions. Bella hurried to the front desk without drawing too much attention to herself or getting caught in the way of anyone in a hurry.

"Hello," the nurse behind the desk greeted her with a warm smile. "Are you here to visit a patient, Dear?"

"No. I'm actually here for the internship.. I was told to ask at the desk?"

The nurse smiled widely at Bella again. "Oh! Wonderful! Just a moment dear." She began shuffling through a stack of papers to her left. "What is your name?"

"Isabella Swan."

The nurse dug through the pile for a moment longer, and came across Bella's file. "Isabella...."

"Just Bella, please," she interjected.

Across from her, the nurse looked up to meet her eye, "Sorry, Bella.. I've got your file here. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to your new boss' office."

Bella nodded and waited for the nurse to walk around the desk. She ushered Bella towards the elevators and pressed up. Third Floor. It felt longer than three floors to Bella. It seemed like forever, as they climbed slowly up, floor by floor. Bella silently laughed to herself again. If only she were human.. she was certain she would have fainted from nerves already. No need to worry about that anymore.

The nurse stopped walking when they got the entrance way of the hall. "Third door on the right, Dear. Just knock first before you go in."

Bella nodded to her, smiled, and strutted down the hall. She paused when she reached the door. Before she could even knock, a voice from inside told her to come in. There was something familiar about his voice that Bella couldn't quite place.


	2. Tiredness fuels empty thoughts

**Chapter Two:  
Tiredness Fuels Empty Thoughts**

_Tiredness fuels empty thoughts  
I find myself disposed  
Brightness fills empty space  
In search of inspiration  
Harder now with higher speed  
Washing in on top of me  
-Eskimo (Damien Rice)_

_Vertebrae, by vertabrae,  
Roll your way out of the coma.  
Look up, the nurse is smiling,  
What luck, the nurse is me.  
Your old body is dead.  
Your body's dead, you're a word instead,  
In my sleep I repeat it.  
It's a good story,  
But I don't want to live it alone.  
Crash, to take a chance.  
We were going to live it out-  
Look at you you're already dead.  
How will you remember me?  
Digging ditches out of boredom  
You said you would never leave,  
Now I'm never gonna see you again.  
You turned off.._

_Hope I live it out..  
Hope I live it out.  
-Live it out (Metric)_

////////////////////

The German autobahn is a place for fast drivers. There is no doubt about that. Edward loved the autobahn. As far as roads went, it was by far his favourite place to drive. Much like Emmett might prefer a bumpy trail to travel in his Jeep on, Edward preferred the long highway, the one without speed limits.

So there he was, again, on the autobahn, somewhere in Lower Saxony, probably approaching Bremen, if his sense of direction was correct, not that he really cared. He did not really have any intent on ending somewhere specific. It seemed for the last few years Edward was never going anywhere. At least not intentionally. He never stayed in one place long enough to call it home. Home was where _she_ was, and he could not go back there. He couldn't go back to Forks, the only place he had ever felt he truly belonged, in all his 100 years.

Somedays, he was okay with what he had done. For the most part though, he was not okay. Yet, Edward could not force himself to go back there to her. He could not force himself into her life. She had the right to a normal, human life. Who was he to interrupt that? Who was he to hold her back from finding someone she could grow old with? Someone she could have have a family with? Someone she could fall in love with.. someone who wouldn't be constantly putting her life at risk. Bella deserved life. A long, happy, human life.

Edward choked back a sob. Bella was too good for him. He should have never put her at risk. If it weren't for him, she would never have encountered James. She would never have been nearly attacked by Jasper. He was stupid for letting himself love her. Stupid for letting himself get close enough to her that she would begin to feel the same way. He should have never let it happen. Edward shouldn't have let her fall for him. He was supposed to be in control. He was supposed to do what was right.

Edward's thoughts drifted away to distant memories. Well, to him they weren't very long ago. A couple of years for a vampire can hardly be considered a long time. It felt like it was yesterday that he has shut himself away from her, burying his gifts to her under her floor boards. Edward wondered briefly if she has ever found them. Better yet, he wondering what she had done with them if she found them. Would she have listened to the cd he made her? Would she have cried?

A selfish part of him hoped she has cried, hoped that she still loved him.

He could not deny that he still cared about her. He knew it, his whole family knew it. Eventually, Alice had stopped telling him about what visions she saw of Bella. She had hoped that the curiosity would eat at him, ripping chunks out of him slowly, until he would be compelled to check up on her himself. Alice knew as well as anyone else did, Edward included, that if he were to see her again.. to come in contact with her again, he would not be able to leave her side.

Eventually, Alice's plan has worked. She saw in one of her visions, Edward returning to Forks, to check on Bella, only to find that she was not there. Alice let him go anyway.

When Edward discovered that Bella was not there, he had been hit hard. She has moved on with her life, and gotten away from the place that he was sure reminded her of him. As far as he knew, she was probably out there somewhere, living a happy life with someone who could protect her.

He tried to be happy for her, but all he felt was the cold, hard, stab of jealousy when he thought of her with another man.

Edward's mind was swimming with memories and thoughts he didn't want to think about. He needed to get away from them. He slammed his foot harder on the gas petal. Maybe if he drove faster... maybe he could leave them behind him. Maybe he could move on...

_Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe... _There was always _maybe._

Despite the speed of the car, Edward's mind was faster, and his memories were stronger. They chased him until it became exceedingly clear; he could never leave them behind.


	3. It's hard, I must confess

**Chapter Three:  
It's Hard, I Must Confess. **

_Its hard, I must confess,  
I'm banking on the rest to clear away,  
'Cause we have spoken everything..  
Everything short of I love you.  
-__Hundred (The Fray)_

//////////////////////

Carlisle Cullen walked quickly down the hall, towards the front desk.

"Good Morning Anna," he said pleasantly to the nurse seated opposite him, surrounded by piles of paper. "Do you have my copy of the new interns' resumés?"

Anna gave him a big smile and batted her eyelashes in a way she could have only meant to be seductive. Carlisle heard her heart rate increase slightly. He may not have Edward's ability to read minds, but he had a pretty good idea as to what she was thinking when she looked at him that way. He laughed inwardly to himself. _Every morning._ She slipped him his pile of resumés.

"I'll bring you my choice as soon as possible," he called back to hear, already started down the hall towards his office.

July 1st every year, the doctors at St. Vincent's Hospital were given the opportunity to select an intern to train. They stuck with this intern for a full year, but could let them go at any time if they felt that they were not capable of performing safely on patients. The interns became their partners, their students, learning new skills and getting experience all at once. They were to shadow their doctor.

Carlisle pulled his office door shut behind him. He sank into his chair. Vampires did not need to sit like humans did. Someone like Carlisle could go hours, just standing in one position, never growing tired or weak. The Cullens however, were different. Because of their _vegetarian_ way of life, as they called it, they had grown more accustomed to playing the human role. Carlisle was so used to pretending he was a human in front of his colleagues and patients, that he usually kept up the act when they were not around to see it.

He took his time reading the resumés, one after another. Carlisle, being very sensible, weighed the options he had, comparing each possible intern to the last. His methodical way of thinking came to an abrupt stop though when he reached one resumé. It was the name across the top that caught his initial interest.

_Isabella Swan_

Carlisle was in a momentary state of shock. His eyes skimmed the resumé, looking for some clue, some hint that it was her. Her birthday confirmed it was Bella. Had he been human, he would have surely fainted. Slowly, a smile began to form on his face. _Bella, _he thought. _It's Bella. _She had been like another daughter to him. He had missed her, and she was finally here again. Carlisle snatched his cell phone from his pocket at lightening speed. He dialed Esme's cell phone number.

"Esme? Love?" he said, quickly into the speaker when she picked up. "It's her. She's here in town. Bella is here."

//////////////////////

Carlisle was sitting in his office again. The doctors had already met up and chosen their students. Of course, Carlisle have chosen Bella, although he was not the only doctor to request having her assigned to him. Fortunately for him, Carlisle had earned enough respect around the hospital to get pretty much anything he needed. This meant that sometime in the next few minutes, Bella Swan should be walking through his office door. God, he was happy.

Carlisle had always liked Bella. Even before she moved to from Arizona to Forks, he knew he would like her. Chief Swan had spent so much time ranting and raving about his beautiful daughter coming to town, speaking only good things about her, what was there not to like? He was happy for Charlie. Although they did not know one an other very well, he knew that she was Charlie's pride and joy, and by moving back to Forks, Bella was completing him.

Then there was Edward. His first child, so to speak. The first member of his family, and the only one in the family who had always been alone. Not long after changing Edward, Carlisle had met and changed Esme. And then there was Rose, who soon after joining the family, had saved Emmett from death, and had Carlisle eternally bond him to this life and their family. Those two always had each other, and that would never change. Alice and Jasper had found them, rather than the other way around as it normally was. The love those two shared was a force to be reckoned with. While they weren't quite as open about their love for each other as Emmett and Rosalie were, it was certainly there, adoration visible in their eyes when they looked at each other.

Everyone in the family but Edward had someone. Not to say that he wasn't as loved as the rest of them. It was quite the opposite. Edward had just never had someone to share that kind of love with until Bella came to Forks. Another reason to be glad for her decision to come live with Charlie.

Bella became a part of the family that year. It was always a joy to have her around. Esme was incredibly happy to have in a sense, _adopted_, another daughter into the family. It was quite obvious that her and Edward completed each other. In all the 100 years Carlisle had lived with Edward, he had never seen him so carefree, so happy. Not even Rosalie's teasing and pestering could get to him. Even then, Rose eventually warmed up to Bella. She was just as upset to leave her behind in Forks as the rest of us were.

Alice had lost a best friend. Carlisle couldn't forget that fact. He knew of course that Alice kept tabs on Bella occasionally, but it was hard to with Edward picking her mind everytime they were together.

However, it did not take long after the Cullens left Forks for the family to become a bit rocky. Emotions were high, and the family was completely devastated to have lost a sister, a daughter, and a lover. It was hard to point blame on Edward, after seeing what the loss did to him as well, but it was inevitable. _If only he had thought it through more.. if only Carlisle was able to change his mine... if only.. if only.. if only..._

They went their own ways. Carlisle and Esme moving to New York City for him to have a job at St. Vincent's, and Esme was working as a partner in an interior design firm. They both had led very successful careers in the two short years that they had been there. Although the 'kids' no longer lived with them, Carlisle and Esme had made sure that their apartment had enough bedrooms for them to have their own places. After all, the agreement they had made with Esme was that they must visit as often as possible. The longest anyone stayed away was a few months. Home was with Esme and Carlisle. No matter what city it was in.

Alice and Jasper traveled. From one place, to another, and then back to Carlisle and Esme's and back out again. they spent a short amount of time with Tanya, but that did not last long. Alaska didn't feel right to Alice. She wanted to be closer to Forks for Bella, although she never once payed her a visit.

Rose and Emmett had a house in Paris. While they enjoyed moving around living in various major European cities, home was the U.S, and they somehow managed to come visit fairly often. Sometimes their visits were longer than their stays in Paris. Esme liked it that way.

Edward was another story. He was never 'home'. Home to him was where Bella was. He couldn't be there, so he couldn't have a home. Carlisle didn't know where Edward went off to a lot of the time, but he tried his best to keep up with his travels. As far as he knew, Edward had spent a lot of time in Germany. Something about the autobahn and car that acted as a way of subduing his thoughts of Bella. Besides, Carlisle had to admit, the Black Forest was a safe place for Edward to hunt.

After all that, the family had never been the same. They never expected to see Bella again. Edward had driven them so far away from her. Although she was like a member of the coven, they could not go against Edward's wishes. Carlisle did have to admit though, Esme and him found themselves tempted more than once to go check on her briefly, but they did not. It was hard, and he knew Esme was saddened by it, but they managed.

There was so much hurt in the family because of this, but with a 'twist of fate', as Esme had dubbed it, there Carlisle sat, waiting for her, in his office in New York City, the last place he would have expected to see Bella.

Carlisle was suddenly snapped out of his daydreaming at the sound of foot steps. He became very aware, as he heard them stop on the other side of his door. She was shuffling her feet a bit, pausing, undoubtedly raising her fist anxiously to knock on the door.

"Come in," Carlisle said, a smile evident in his voice.

Apparently, Bella wasn't the only one in for a surprise.

**A/N: How is it so far guys? Haha, I need more feedback. Possibly plot suggestions as well. I'm always open to them!**


	4. If somebody's got soul

**Chapter four:  
If Somebody's Got Soul **

_If the fire's out baby  
How you gonna keep me warm?  
Supposing you left me  
With the door wide open no one can leave_

_I know it's a lie, I want it to be true  
The rest of the ride is riding on you  
Over goodbyes we'll buy some place for_

_Wishing you could keep me closer, I'm a lazy dancer  
When you move I move with you  
Wishing you could keep me closer, I'm a lazy dancer  
When you move I move with you_

_If somebody's got soul  
If somebody's got soul  
If somebody's got soul  
You gotta make the move, make the move_

_I know it's a lie I want it to be true  
The rest of the ride is riding on you  
Over goodbyes we'll buy some place for_

_Wishing you could keep me closer, I'm a lazy dancer  
When you move I move with you  
Wishing you could keep me closer, I'm a lazy dancer  
When you move I move with you  
-Metric (Collect Call)_

_////////////////////////////////_

"_Come in," Carlisle said, a smile evident in his voice._

Bella took in a deep breath, despite the fact that she didn't actually need it. She grasped the door nob lighting and turned. The click of the latch seemed incredibly loud for her, even with her heightened hearing.

She didn't even know _why_ she was so nervous. She shouldn't have had any reason to be. That is, until she had managed to open the door enough to see that across from her, behind an ornate desk, sat Carlisle Cullen, who evidentially, was just as surprised as she was.

Gut feelings are a pain in the ass, apparently.

Bella binked. Once, twice, three times, and he was still sitting there. He wasn't going to disappear, was he? Surely her nerves must have driven her crazy. It was about time after all; some sort of mental instability was sure to happen to her eventually.

"_Carlisle??"_

Had she still been human, Bella would have definitely fainted by now.

Bella whispering his name is confusion must have been enough to pull Carlisle's thoughts back to her, and away from the questions he was dying to ask her.

Curiosity was getting the best of him, as well apparently.

"What the _fuck?!"_ Bella said at the same time as Carlisle managed to spew out, "You're a _vampire?!"_

Neither of them knew what to do. Neither knew what to say or ask.

When his senses returned to him, Carlisle knew one thing that had to be done, and it was to _close the door_. They couldn't avoid this conversation. The best they could do was keep it private.

He took a steady breath. "Bella.."

She had come closer now, walking in a daze towards his desk after shutting the door behind her. The look in her eyes was clearly unhappy. Although still, Carlisle couldn't seem to pinpoint any anger in them. _That_, was good, to say the least.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella. For everything."

Carlisle was pleading with her, and she was confused. Carlisle had done nothing wrong. He never did anything wrong. It wasn't his decision to leave. He had always been looking out for all of his 'children'. Of course, she wanted to be mad. She wanted to yell at him, to do everything she could to cause him pain. After all, Bella knew that Carlisle would have been able to keep the family in Forks. Then again he was Edward's father. He could not just ignore his son's wishes.

Everything was so frustrating. Bella wanted to cry. She was trying not to let the sobs that were lurking in her break out. She couldn't be mad at Carlisle. It was too much. It wasn't his fault, and yet he was apologizing anyway. He had been like another dad to her, and right now, all she wanted from him was comfort.

In the time it took for Bella to go from hurt, to angry, to sobbing, Carlisle had sped around the front of the desk. He was standing a mere foot from her when she launched herself into his arms.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay," he soothed. "We've missed you so much Bella. I'm so sorry that we left you, I really wish we hadn't. There hasn't been a day that Esme and I haven't thought of you. You know you've always been like a daughter to us.."

Carlisle could have cried too.

This made Bella sob harder. "It's not your fault," she began."Stop apologizing. I missed you all too."

The sound of Carlisle's telephone beeping interrupted the bittersweet reunion. Bella pulled out of the hug, suddenly ashamed of her blunt show of affection. She was always such a _baby._

"Dr Cullen?" a nasally voice called from the other end of the speaker, "Your wife is on line one. She said it's important."

Bella was staring in amazement at the phone. _Esme. _She hadn't even began to think about how much she had missed her.

Carlisle looked at Bella with a look, silently asking if it was okay if he took the call. She nodded to him and he answered the nasally voice.

"Okay, thank you, Diane."

Carlisle leaned over to his desk. He hit the Line One button and then the speaker button. "Hi Esme."

"_CARLISLE. When _am I going to get to see my Bella?" demanded an angry Esme.

There was a pause on their side of the line, as Carlisle and Bella looked at each other. _He must have called her when he saw my name on the list, _she thought. Bella turned to face the phone and answered, "Hi Esme..."

"BELLA! Oh it's really you isn't it?"

"Yeah.. its me."

"Oh, honey, I've missed you so much. We all have. Carlisle? I'm coming right now."

Carlisle came closer to the phone, they were now both standing over it, looking down. He spoke in a steady voice. "No, Esme, I think I'll just bring Bella to our house. There are some things we all need to talk about, and that would be done best away from public eye."

"Why? What is going on, Carlisle? Bella?" Confusion was evident is Esme's sweet voice.

Bella stared at the ground. The look she was giving was so intense it could be mistake for her trying to burn a hole in the floor.

"Bella is a little different than when we last saw her, Esme. Look, that's all I'm willing to say right now. We will be over shortly." The last part was more of a question than a statement, and it was directed to Bella, as Carlisle turned to look at her as he spoke.

She understood that he was asking if that was okay. Of course it was. It was Esme. Ever since Bella had pretty much walked out of Renee's life when she moved to Forks, Esme had been there as a second mother to her. Bella had always been the adult in her family with her mum. It was a breath of fresh air for Bella to have Esme act as the mother, and she really missed her replacement mum.

"I'd rather not have to tell the story more than once. I'll explain when we get there," Bella told them both.

"Okay, honey. I'll be here waiting for you." Carlisle knew from her voice that Esme had become worried. He knew she probably had a thousand questions running through her head, all somewhere along the lines of, '_is Bella okay?'_

Bella was ecstatic, and yet she was nervous. It was a relief for her to get to see Carlisle and Esme, but she knew what that meant. Edward. What if he was there when her and Carlisle got to their house? What if the calm facade she had held up came crashing down when she saw him? What if he broke her heart again? What if he ignored her? What if he had someone _new?_

Carlisle read the worried expression on Bella's face. They were now quickly walking towards his car in the Hospital's parking garage, having both forgotten completely about today's actual purpose. They were _supposed_ to be reviewing Bella's medical knowledge and preparing her for the internship, but that would have to wait. Today was too much of an important day to pass off.

"Bella..." Carlisle began, looking at her hesitantly. He was unsure if he should continue. "About what happened back in Forks a few years ago.."

"Don't Carlisle. Please." She was trying to stay calm. "Please don't apologize anymore. It wasn't your fault. We both know it was Edw-"

She had stopped talking. The sheer amount of pain that came crashing into her when she began to say his name was outstanding. She hadn't said his name aloud in so long. Probably not since recently after he left her.

Carlisle seemed to understand. "He isn't here Bella. I'm not sure if you were hoping to see him, or hoping to avoid him, but I will not lie to you, ever. He is somewhere in Europe. None of us know where exactly. We haven't heard from him in a while. He only really lets us know what is going on when one of us calls him, and even then, it's never a real answer. The last we heard from him was," he paused for a moment, thinking. "April."

Apparently, Bella didn't know what she had hoped either. However, she smiled gratefully, albeit sadly, at Carlisle for his honestly, and didn't reply.

They got in the car. Carlisle threw it into drive, and they speed out of the garage.

///////////////////////////////

**AN: Reviews would be nice? Please? I beg? Haha :)**


	5. What's in your heart

**AN: I'm rating this M for language. **

**Chapter Five:  
What's in your heart**

_I should never think  
What's in your heart  
What's in our home  
So I won't  
-Never Think (Robert Pattinson)_

_///////////////////////////_

Alice reached out and grabbed Jasper's hand. They were in a forest in British Columbia, Canada. It was rich in wildlife, and deep enough that there was no way they would come across a human. This was one of Alice and Jasper's favorite places to go hunting.

Jasper said something, and Alice laughed. Her musical giggle echoing off the surrounding trees. She skipped ahead of him, twirling as she went. _God, he loved this woman._

"Have you had enough for now then, love?" Jasper asked her. She grinned and nodded like a child. He laughed.

Alice appeared in front of him and threw her arms around his neck, her face inches from his. Her eyes shone and Jasper wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. Their lips were attached instantly, a sense of urgency coming over then.

Suddenly, she stopped. Alice slowly pulled away, a blank expression on her face.

Jasper stared at his quizzically. "Alice? What wrong? Did I do something..?" Her hand snapped over his mouth quickly silencing him. She was still staring ahead, not seeing him at all. Her eyes were unfocused. Jasper suddenly began to understand. She was having a vision. He best let her live it out. He waited calmly, not speaking again.

Finally, Alice's eyes began to refocus. They didn't however, return to his face with the same look of desire that they held before. Instead she was staring at him in complete shock. Things hardly shocked Alice, so Jasper knew this must have been huge. Her mouth was hanging.

"What is it? What did you see?" He was nervous. What if something had happened to someone in the family?

Alice wasn't sure if she should be happy, or upset. Various feelings were colliding inside of her and she felt like she might just burst.

"_Jasper,"_ she cried, falling into his arms. She shook with silent sobs. "It's Bella."

Jasper held her closer at the sound of Bella's name. Alice hadn't mentioned her in a long, long time. It had to have been at least half a year now. "What is it, love? What is happening to Bells?"

Alice pulled back to look him in the eyes. "She's _back_ Jasper. She's with Esme and Carlisle. She apparently began work at the hospital- as Carlisle's intern."

"Alice... that's great news... but, why are you upset?" Shouldn't Alice be glad to have Bella back? She's her best friend. Even though it's been so long. Jasper knew Alice still thought of her as her best friend. Her emotions were confusing him. He could feel her happiness that Bella was back in their lives, but there was a sense of regret lurking around her. "What is it, Ali?"

"I can't believe I've been so stupid, Jasper!" she cried, pulling away from him completely. "I'm so - so - UGH. I'm a fool. A shitty fucking friend. How could I let this happen. god Dammit! I let her get hurt, Jasper. I never saw it, I let it slip by. I should have _never_ fucking listened to Edward. Shit!" Alice was raging now, stomping around, kicking various branches that laid scattered about. Somewhere above them, a bird flew away, frightened from all the noises she was making.

Alice began to sob, even louder this time. Jasper was quick to catch her though, just before she fell to her knees shaking. He sat down on an old log, pulling her onto his lap.

"Alice, honey, love. You have to tell me what it is. What didn't you see?"

Alice leaned away from him, looking him in the eyes. She couldn't speak. She could not _believe_ she had done this. Or rather, had _not_ done it. How could she have missed that?! It was so obvious. In all of the visions she had had of Bella since they left how could she _miss this?_

"Jasper.." Alice rasped. "Bella... she's a _vampire."_

Jasper couldn't remember a single time in all his hundred years that he had been so speechless. He simply couldn't utter a _single word._ There really was nothing to say at all. The best he could do was pull his love back into his arms and let her cry dry tears on him.

**AN: SORRY THAT WAS SO SHORT.**

**Thanks for all of the comments I've been getting you guys. They're great! :) I'm trying to go as quickly as I can, and post as often as I have time, but since I'm working my butt off right now I only have time to write at night. Hope you don't mind! Now I just need to figure out why the reviews aren't showing up... I have to read them in the email notifications.. hmmm!**


	6. I'll look after you

**Chapter Six:  
I'll Look After You**

_If I don't say this now I will surely break,  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take.  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait,  
My heart has started to separate._

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
-Look After You (The Fray)

//////////////////////////////

Esme was already standing outside of the house when Carlisle and Bella pulled up. She was both nervous, and extremely excited. _What if Bella didn't want to be back in the family? And what was it that they needed to talk about? What was wrong with her Bella?_

It didn't take Esme long to figure out what it was that Carlisle had denied telling her over the phone. She got one look at Bella as she stepped out of the car and her silent heart broke in two. The paleness, the change of appearance (not to say that Bella wasn't beautiful before), and the sent. Definitely a vampire.

Esme also couldn't overlook Bella's newfound gracefulness as well. Human Bella would have stumbled at least twice already in the 10 feet she had traveled from the car to stand in front of Esme. There was a questionable look on her face. Bella was obviously delighted to see Esme, but she was nervous as well. Her feelings reflected Esme's. They both felt the sudden need to latch onto each other, and so they did. Carlisle looked on from the side, smiling at the bittersweet scene of his beloved wife and long lost daughter's reunion. Aside from the ever present Edward issue, his family was complete again.

"Lets go inside and talk, dear." Esme had finally pulled away from Bella and was looking at his with a broad smile on her face. It suddenly became a sad smile as she remember the conversation they were about to have. "I think it's time you told us what happened after we left Forks."

From the inside, the Cullen's new house greatly resembled that of the one in Forks. The same, light walls and furniture, the same family pictures, everything. There was even Edward's beautiful grand piano, on a raised part of the living room. Bella felt compelled to touch it, but she resisted. She wouldn't do that to herself, not yet at least.

Esme grabbed her hand and pulled her to the living room couch, where they sat down together. She didn't let go of her hand. Esme turned herself in her seat towards Bella.

"Bella, honey," she began, looking apologetic. "I am so sorry. We are all so sorry. Things have never been the same without you. We should have never left, or at least should have brought you with us." She was squeezing Bella's hand so hard now,h ad she still been human, it probably would have been broken in multiple places.

Carlisle spoke up from where he sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of them. "Bella.. It's true. I know I said this before, but it still stands. It always will. We're all so sor-"

"Stop," Bella had cut him off. "Please, don't apologize. It is neither of your faults what happened and what happened to me after everyone left." She was being careful with her words. She knew she couldn't but she wanted to avoid bringing it up for as long as possible. Carlisle still caught it, anyway.

"What happened when we left, Bella? Please? Who changed you?"

She only had to say the name once. It came out as barely a whisper, "_Victoria._" Detest was obvious in her voice.

Esme gasped and then sighed sadly, shaking her head, at the same time as Carlisle softly swore to himself.

"I knew it. He left you alone in the forest, didn't he? I'm assuming you stayed there for a while, and she eventually found you?"

"Yes."

Esme groaned. "_Edward_. How _could _you.."

Bella finally felt compelled to talk. "Well, I did finally get what I had asked for. It just didn't happen quite how I wanted it to. It feels almost... like a waste." She was shaking slightly. Now Bella was the one squeezing Esme's hand. "I wanted to change to be able to stay with him forever. In the end I just lost him and was changed anyway." She had been staring at her knees the entire time. She now looked up to meet Esme's eyes, followed by Carlisle's. "I'm afraid I'll spend forever alone now." She looked down at her knees again.

Esme let out a loud sigh. All of this was so painful. She couldn't stand to see her daughter hurt this much. She removed her hand from Bella's grasp and slid her arm around her waist instead, pulling her into her side. Bella rested her head on Esme's shoulder. She closed her eyes, melting into the warmth of her adoptive mother's side. Carlisle leaned forward, and grasped Bella's hand is his, connecting them all together.

"What exactly happened, Bella? Can you please tell us?" Carlisle was talking to her now.

Bella sighed. She couldn't _not_ tell them. Besides, why not. As long as they passed it along to everyone else in the family. She didn't really want to repeat the story herself.

"_He,_" she began, careful to not say Edward's name, "left me in the forest near my house. I tried to follow him, but there was no way I would be able to keep up with him, let alone find him out there. Eventually, I gave up and collapsed. I don't know how long I laid there before she showed up. It had to have been hours. I think Victoria thought I was already dead for a second when she found me. But of course, she could hear my heart." Bella paused, a frown appearing on her face that had remained emotionless until now. "I didn't try to fight her off. I think that took away some of her fun. She told me her original intention was to kill me, as an act of revenge for _him_ killing James, but when she saw me she realized that that's what I wanted. She decided to just bite me instead. That way I'd live, but no longer as a human. She knew he didn't want that."

Esme was trying her best not to sob. "Oh Bella, honey, no. Don't say that. You couldn't have wanted to die. Please tell me that isn't true." Carlisle took her free hand in his. He squeezed lightly with both hands, putting reassuring pressure on both Bella's and Esme's now.

Bella parted her lips, ever so slightly, and let out a slow, deep breath. "_I still love him_," she whispered aloud to no one in particular. Maybe just herself. "_I never got over Edward_."

Esme looked Carlisle in the eyes and they shared a meaningful look. Clearly, they needed to tell Bella about Edward.

Bella could have been mistaken for being asleep. Aside from her steady breathing, she was perfectly still against Esme's shoulder. There was a slight frown on her face however. Emotions in the room were high. Esme immediately thought of Jasper, and how handy his gift would be right now. She hated Bella feeling this pain. She kissed Bella's head and looked up at Carlisle. She knew him well. His eyes were practically leaking worry and he stared at Bella's pale face. He caught Esme's eye and sighed.

"Bella.." he said quietly and cautiously. Her eyes fluttered open, but she did not look at his face, but rather her knees again.

From somewhere behind them, the phone rang. For a moment, no one made a move. Whoever it was could wait. It rang and rang. No phone call could be as important as their daughter right now. Carlisle squeezed Bella's hand, and she looked up to meet his gaze. He gave her a sad smile that she surprisingly returned.

The phone rang a final time, and Carlisle and Esme's cheerful message played aloud.

"Hi, you've reached Carlisle and Esme," Esme's musical voice spoke aloud. "We can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks." The cheerful voice was out of place for the current setting. There was a loud beep, and a loud, frantic voice began.

"Carlisle, Esme, it's Alice. What the hell is going on? Pick up the damn phone."

There was a sudden scramble. Bella shot up in her seat, wide eyed at the sound of Alice's voice. Carlisle pulled his hand from Bella's quickly but gently and stood up. Esme was on her feet as well, but let Carlisle pass her as he ran to the phone. He stabbed the talk button and responded frantically.

"Alice."

"Carlisle? I just had a vision. What the hell is going on there? Where is Bella. I want to talk to her. _Why the hell didn't you pick up the phone!?_" Her words were coming out so quickly it was a wonder they could even understand it, despite their heightened hearing. Carlisle didn't even get a chance to answer any of her questions before he was cut off again by her desperate voice. "We are getting on a plane _now_. Jasper is getting the tickets as we speak. I'll be home in about 5 hours. Now give the phone to Bella. I know she is there with you."

Carlisle didn't respond, and there was no need for him to have to repeat any of what she had said. He simply walked back towards Bella, so still sat on the couch in shock. He extended his arm forward and held out the phone. Bella grabbed it cautiously, and held it up to her ear. Just like Carlisle, she didn't really get a chance to put in a single word.

"Bella. It's Alice. Oh Bella, I'm so sorry," Bella could here her voice breaking on the other side of the line. "I'm such a bad friend. The worst. I didn't even see Bella.. I never saw it until today. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I should have never listened to Edward. I love you, Bella. I've missed you so much."

"Al-" Bella tried to interrupt.

"Hang on Bella. Just hear me out. I shouldn't have let him make us leave. I should have payed closer attention to you. I should have check up more often. I should have gone to see you. I should have brought you with me. There's so much Bella. I'm so sor-"

This time, Bella cut off Alice. "Stop Alice. Don't apologize. I said the same thing to Esme and Carlisle. It is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't see the change because I've been able to keep up a pretty good act." Bella got a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time she begged them to stop apologizing.

"Still Bella, I really, truly am sorry. Jasper is as well. We're coming now okay? I will see you soon. I promise."

"Okay Alice, Bye." Bella hung up the phone before Alice could reply. At some point in the middle of their conversation, Esme and Carlisle has resumed their spots around Bella. She dropped the phone onto the table next to Carlisle and sighed deeply. She sank back into Esme's shoulder, while Esme snaked her arm around Bella's side again. Bella extended her hand towards Carlisle and his met hers half way, squeezing it tightly. Esme kissed her head again.

And now, they wait.  


	7. Sweetest downfall

**AN: Severe writers block, haha. It was nice out AND I had the day off work (For ONCE!) so I spent it by with pool with my friends instead. Sorry it took so long to update. **

**Chapter Seven:  
Sweetest Downfall**

_And the history books forgot about us,  
And the bible didn't mention us,  
Not even once._

_You are my sweetest downfall,  
I loved you first, I loved you first.  
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads  
But they're just old light  
-Samson (Regina Spektor)_

///////////////////////////////

Jasper had booked the first available flight. The second Alice had hung up with Bella she flew to his side. He had heard the entire conversation. Jasper pulled her into his arms for a hug. Seconds later, they were running as fast as they could to the airport, while holding hands.

Alice was very anxious on the plane ride. Jasper found himself unable to suppress a smile more than once at her obvious discomfort. She was literally twitching in her seat, seemingly unable to get comfortable. The flight attendant had come by more than once to ask if she was alright.

Eventually, Jasper grabbed her hand and held it down tightly to the arm rest. He was more reassuring her than he was restraining her. Alice finally gave him a small smile. She had been about to open her mouth to speak when she stopped. Her face froze, eyes unfocused. Jasper kept quiet.

Moments passed and finally her eyes focused. Alice turned her head slowly to Jasper, frowning slightly.

"Bella still loves Edward. I saw her tell Carlisle and Esme."

Jasper kept quiet for a minute longer, thinking. "Well... I guess that that makes sense." Alice nodded slowly, agreeing. "I mean, he was the one who left her, right? We all know how much she cared about him before. Why would she stop?"

Alice nodded again. "You're right," she began slowly. "I wonder though.. what is going to happen when Edward finds out that she has been changed?"

They were silent for the rest of the flight, both in deep thought. Jasper was considering using his abilities to calm Bella down, but was unsure if she would want that. He didn't want to upset her any more than she already was Alice on the other hand, was searching her visions for something, _anything_, that would reassure her that all of this would end well.

It was seven pm when the plane landed. Carlisle had met them at the airport to drive them to the house. He took the time they had in the car to fill them in on all the details that Alice had not seen.

"..She still loves him," he stated sadly, not looking at either of his children. Carlisle had his eyes focused on the road straight ahead of them. They were approaching the house now, and knew that soon Bella and Esme would be able to hear them. The conversation needed to end quickly.

"I know, Carlisle. We know," Alice answered. "Does Edward know yet? About Bella being here, I mean." Carlisle shook his head in response.

"Esme and I kept it quiet. We weren't sure what to do. Rosalie and Emmett don't know yet either." His eyes widened suddenly. "Well, I guess they will soon. I had forgotten. They are supposed to be coming home soon. Anytime now, really."

Alice nodded, finding herself amidst a vision again. "They will be happy to see her. Emmett won't have to restrain himself anymore when he hugs her. Can't break her now." A small smile was forming on her face. The three began to laugh. It felt good.

Jasper felt the atmosphere in the car begin to climb back up as Carlisle pulled up to the house. He could see that Alice's mood had suddenly been turned around completely. She skipped from the car to the house, twirling up the front steps. Alice flung the front door open. She now had a huge grin on her face. She had long forgotten the troubles she had been so focused on earlier. Now all that mattered was that she was about to see her best friend.

Carlisle and Jasper laughed at Alice's enthusiasm and followed her into the house. They saw the back of her dress glide around the corner into the living room. When they reached the room, they saw Bella and Esme sitting together, in the same position they had been before when Carlisle left for the airport. The only difference was that Bella no longer had a sad frown on her face. It had been replaced by a brilliant grin at the sight of her best friend.

Alice flew over to Bella, and Bella stood up quickly. The two latched onto each other for dear life. Suddenly, the two were sobbing against each other.

"Alice, I missed you so much."

"Me too Bella, me too." Alice suddenly began to spew another apology. "I'm so sorry Bella. I can't believe I didn't see your change happening. I should have been there to protect you. I never should have left. I've been the worst fri-"

"Alice." Bella had pulled away now and looking her in the eyes. "Shut. Up." Alice relaxed. It was going to be alright. Bella didn't hate her. She had her best friend back, finally. She pulled away and let Jasper swoop in to hug Bella.

"Bells. I've missed you, sis."

Bella grinned at the use of the name sis. "Me too, Jazzy."

"You sure make one pretty vampire, Bells." Jasper whispered, smiling sadly at her. Bella smiled sadly back and sighed. Time to change the subject. "So, where were you guys. And where are Emmett and Rosalie. I hoped to see them too, actually."

Carlisle laughed. Until now, him and Esme had stood back, looking upon their children's reunion smiling. "We were just talking about that in the car on the way back. Rose and Emmett are in Paris. They have a house there. But I believe I'm right in saying that they were planning on coming home for a visit soon?" He looked at Esme questioningly. She nodded and smiled.

"They will be here tomorrow, Bella." Bella grinned. "Where are you living?"

"I have an apartment near the hospital."

"Bella.. I was thinking. Why don't you stay with us while you are here? All the kids have a room, and we have a spare that you're more than welcome to take up as your own. Save yourself the money on your apartment love, and move in here." Bella considered what Esme had just said. It would make sense. She was going to be desperate to make ends meet with the price of that apartment dwindling away her savings. It would be helpful too. She could get a ride in to work every morning with Carlisle. And then she considered her family. They would be right here with her, everyday. Bella suddenly realized that she had missed them more than she had allowed herself to believe.

"Of course. I mean, if you're sure.." She stopped. Wait. Edward. But Carlisle had said he was in Europe. He probably wasn't going to come back any time soon. But what if he did? Bella was kind of curious. He hated her, and she knew that. He _had _told her he didn't love her. Bella took a deep breath. _Edward_, would have to get over it. This was her family too, and because of him she had already missed so much precious time with them. This was her decision to make, not his.

Esme nodded, a delightful smile on her face. "I'm positive, we all are. Come on now, I'll show you your room. Actually, I think a tour of the house would be a good idea." Esme grabbed her hand and laughed, pulling her away from the family room and up into the kitchen.

There were a total of five bedrooms in the house. Esme took her time showing Bella each of them. Alice had tagged along for the tour, excited to show Bella the huge walk in closets that accompanied a couple of the rooms.

Esme and Carlisle's bedroom was the biggest. Being the master bedroom, it had it's own master bath in a Jacuzzi tub.

Rosalie and Emmett's room was next door. The decor was similar to Esme's room, but the room was significantly messier. "For people who don't sleep, they sure know how to mess up a bed, honestly," Esme scoffed. She tugged at the sheets quickly. "They haven't been home in months, had I known you were coming I would have made them _clean_, before they left."

Bella laughed. Esme was such a mom. Esme quickly made the bed, and pulled the laughing Bella and Alice out of the room.

"Next, Alice and Jasper's room." Alice took that as her cue to take over. She bounded over to the door and flung it open, yelling a big "tadaaa!"

Alice spent her time showing Bella the room. It was obvious that she was enjoying herself, so Bella stood calmly by her side as Alice showed her her closet. It was huge. Bella laughed. She had actually missed this part of Alice. She never thought she would.

Alice grinned at Bella suddenly. "You know Bella, I didn't ignore the fact that all my hard work payed off! I noticed that you've stepped up your game when it comes to your clothes!" She laughed.

Eventually, Esme interrupted. "Alice, you have all the time in the world to show Bella the contents of your closet. Maybe later she'll let you play dress up, too." She laughed a slightly maniacal laugh, and left the room, calling to Bella behind her, "now dear, to your room!"

The room was gorgeous to say the least. Bella felt like Esme had designed it just for her. It suited her perfectly, down to the very last detail. In fact, as Bella noticed, there was even a picture of the family, _including her_, on top of the bedside table. She was shocked.

Esme had stayed in the door way while Bella had ventured inside. She looked slightly nervous. "Bella..." she began, "this room, well. It was always for you. We call it the guest room out of convenience really, but when I designed it I had only you in mind.

Bella was ecstatic. She rushed over to Esme and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much, mum."

Esme could have died of happiness right then.

The three continued on their tour after Bella had finished looking at her room. Esme and Alice seemed to instinctively skip the closed door next to Bella's. No one said anything as they descended the stairs and walked away from it, as if it didn't exist. Bella didn't ask. She already knew it was Edward's room. She could faintly smell him from through the door, and besides, why else would they skip it?

The rest of the house was beautiful. Esme had clearly done a wonderful job designing the house. Bella did her best to concentrate on the various things that they were telling her about the house, but her mind kept flashing back to the unopened door upstairs.

Eventually, the little tour had ended back in the living room. Esme suggested that Bella stayed tonight, and tomorrow Bella and Carlisle could go get her things from her apartment after work and bring them back to the house, where she could move into her new room. She willingly agreed.

Bella decided to go upstairs and lay down. She was glad to be back with family, but felt that she wanted some time to think on her own. None of the family took offence, and they went off in their separate directions. Esme and Carlisle went to read in their room, and Alice and Jasper had decided to watch an old movie in the living room.

Bella climbed the stairs slowly. She ignored the closed door to her left as she made her way to hers. She shut the door behind her and flicked on the light. Bella laid down on her bed. There was so much to think about and consider. She felt emotionally exhausted. It had been such a long, long day. Bella wanted the ability to sleep. That had to have been one of the physical things she missed the most about being a human. She was thankful to get away from her nightmares, but on days like today, she would gladly choose to have a nightmare than to be stuck awake eternally, unable to shut off her mind for just a second.

She tried to think of anything, _anything,_ but the bedroom door next to hers, but it was impossible. Eventually, she gave into her curiosity again. Bella tip toed out of her room, shutting the door as quietly as she could behind her, and went to stand in front of Edward's. She grasped the door nob. Bella took in a deep breath, and turned it.

The door swung open with surprising ease. For some reason, Bella had been expecting something more substantial than a closed door to keep her out. She didn't know why, but she felt like she was crossing into unknown territory. She shouldn't be there, whether it was to protect herself, or to keep Edward happy.

She took a cautious step over the threshold and her eyes danced around the room. It was decorated exactly the same as his room in Fork's had been. Bella felt like she had walked into one of her own memories. Her feet led her instinctively over to the cd player. She turned it on and hit play.

It was as if someone had stabbed her in the chest with a knife. She cried out silently as the first few notes of Debussy's Clair de Lune began to play. Bella sank down onto the couch and sobbed to herself, finally letting memories of Edward wash over her, crashing into her, ripping her lifeless heart apart with every note of the music.

**AN: Please review you guys. I need to know what I should improve and what I'm doing right! Also, please give me any suggestions you want to see in the story.  
And yes, I'm getting to Edward. Don't worry. He'll make his grand appearance soon enough.**


	8. Haunted

**A/N: Funny thing happened today. As I was locking up the store after closing my work tonight, I turned around to find a shiny silver Volvo parked behind me! I had just been thinking about how to write part of this chapter when I turn around and WHAM. I see the very same car I had been trying to describe in my head! **

**Chapter Eight:  
Haunted**

_I cannot go to the ocean,  
I cannot drive the streets at night,  
I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind,  
And so you're gone and I'm haunted,  
And I bet you are just fine.  
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?  
- Almost Lover (A Fine Frenzy)_

/////////////////////////////

Bella's sobs began to slow, and eventually they stopped. She felt like there wasn't anything left in her to give. She hadn't cried so hard since, well.. forever. Bella was still laying on Edward's couch. She glanced at the clock on the wall. She must have been crying for hours. It was nearly morning. She turned her head towards the glass wall, where she could see the sun rising in the distance; light breaking through the trees. She slowly raised herself from the couch and looked at the closed door. She was glad that no one had come in while she had been crying. Obviously, they could all hear her, but had decided to give her space. The family knew to leave her alone until she was ready to really talk to them about it.

From downstairs, she heard a commotion. It was Alice's voice. There was a hint of urgency in it, although for some reason, Bella wasn't really that interested. "It's none of our business, Jazzy. I'm not going to interfere this time. I'm letting this play itself out. That is the only way it will work. Trust me, I saw." Jasper seemed to have gotten the hint, because Bella never heard a reply. It was odd to hear them fight, but she thought nothing of it.

Bella slowly made her way over to the door. She pulled it open as quietly as she could, a stuck her head out in the hallway. The coast was clear. She snuck back into her bedroom, closing the door silently behind her. She felt disappointed to find herself alone in her room. It looked so much like her bedroom back in Forks. She had almost expected to see _him_ laying on her bed, waiting for her to crawl back into the comfort of his arms.

_Enough._ She thought to herself. She had had all night to mourn over her loss, it was time to be happy. She was going to think of nothing but her family and her job today. Bella was so determined to be happy, that she was _almost_ able to ignore the fact that when she closed Edward's bedroom door on her way out, she had closed a part of her soul in.

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It's hard for Edward to forget about Bella. It seemed like every second, of every day, there was something to remind him on her. The way someone he passed moved, the colour of someone's hair, someone's smile, even the shade of brown of a stranger's eyes. Whether the similarities were actually there, or he was just going crazy, Edward couldn't ignore her presence in his mind.

She never left him. Everywhere he traveled he carried a little bit of Bella with him. Sometimes he imagined she actually _was_ with him, standing next to him, making some obscene comment about the scenery around them. He often found himself laughing aloud at what he had imagined she'd said. God, he _was _going crazy.

He really wanted to hold her. Hug her. Anything. Edward wanted to lay down next to her in bed like he used to, and hum her to sleep. He wanted to stroke her hair and slowly, lovingly, take in her scent. He could remember the way his hands used to roam her body, cautiously, never quite touching her as intimately as he wanted to. He wanted _her_.

Edward was lying in tall grass. From a distance, he could not be seen. The wind whipped around him, bringing the scents of the forest to dance around him. It was July, and Edward hadn't been home since March. He'd last talked to a member of the family in April. He had a vague idea as to where they all were, scattered around North America, for the most part. If his memory was correct, Rose and Emmett would be or had arrived back and Esme and Carlisle's place in New York State. Edward wasn't going to refer to it as home. _She_ wasn't there, so it wasn't home.

Alice and Jasper would probably be somewhere in Canada right now. He knew how they liked it up there. He had to admit too, it was a pretty nice place. He had spent some time there after all, just after he had left Bella.

It always came back to Bella.

Edward thought of Esme. He was too far from home to actually hear her thoughts, but he could almost imagine her begging him to come home. He may have been a downer to spend time with since leaving _her_, but Esme would always be happy to have him around. Maybe it _was _time he went home for a short visit. He did miss them all, after all. He grudgingly had to admit that sometimes Jasper's powers came in handy. It would do him good to go home for a while. He would like to have someone to talk to, rather than spend his time alone, thinking of Bella. It was all he could do to restrain himself from going to see her. He didn't know where she was, but he was sure he could eventually figure it out.

Edward didn't know it, but he wouldn't even have to go looking for her to find her.

///////////////////////////////////

Carlisle knocked lightly on Bella's bedroom door. "Bells?"

Bella opened the door to find Carlisle smiling at her. "Are you ready for your first day at work?" She grinned, glad for the distraction. It seemed, Carlisle wasn't going to bring up last night to her. She was ecstatic for that. Also, she was finally going to be starting her job. Since she found out she was going to be working under Carlisle's supervision, Bella had become even more excited. She knew that she wouldn't have a reason to be nervous anymore, and he was an excellent doctor. She was honored to be able to work along side him.

"Yes!" she practically shouted. Carlisle laughed at her sudden enthusiasm, glad to see that her mood had lightened.

"Lets go then."

"Bella," Carlisle began, almost hesitantly. "I've been meaning to ask you.." he trailed off. They were on their way to the hospital for their first day of work together. Bella turned to look at Carlisle curiously. He continued, "how is it that you're able to ignore the bloodlust? I know it has been a couple of years since you were changed, but it takes most vampires _decades_, to learn that level of restraint."

Bella smiled in response. "I'm not quite sure what to tell you, to be honest. I mean, from the moment I woke up after being changed, I never really had a problem with it. I have never really experienced the burning that others have described the lust as." She took in Carlisle's expression. Bella couldn't resist letting a small laugh loose at the shock that was evident on her face.

"Thats.. amazing, Bella. I've never heard of someone having that much restraint so quickly before." He was still shocked. "Wow.. just wow."

Bella laughed again.

"I have to admit, I was a bit worried about you working in the hospital so early in your new life, but I think that this makes sense." He stopped speaking for a moment, considering the possible explanations. Bella waited patiently, knowing that whatever Carlisle came up with was most likely right. Carlisle took a breath and started again, "I think, that this makes sense. I think Bella, that you have a gift, just like Jasper, Alice, and Edward do." Bella flinched a bit at the sound of his name, but suppressed the heart ache for later. Now she was supposed to be happy. She concentrated on Carlisle's voice again. "I'll need to think about it more, and see what this might mean, but I believe I'm right in saying that you have a gift, Bells. I just don't quite know what it is yet."

Bella was elated. She had a sudden feeling that today was going to be a good day. She looked at Carlisle, and smiled. He returned the smile, and spoke after a moment more of silence, "I'm really glad to have you back, Bella."

"Me too, Carlisle."

/////////////////////////////////

Esme had the house to herself. Bella and Carlisle were at work, Alice and Jasper had gone out for a quick hunt, and Rose and Emmett were, well, _indisposed_ of at the moment. They had been as well earlier this morning, until Esme yelled upstairs at them that, although she was happy for their love, she didn't really want to hear them express it so noisily. She suggested they go rent a hotel room. The two had hung their heads slightly as they left the house, issuing choruses of, "sorry mum". She couldn't resist laughing. Those two would _never _change.

When Esme heard the low rumble of a car in the driveway, she questioned her sanity for a moment. They never had unannounced visitors, and none of the family was supposed to be home for at least a few more hours. Bella and Carlisle still had hours left at work and were going to her apartment on the way back home to pick up her stuff. Esme knew Rose and Emmett well enough to know that they wouldn't be home until sometime after midnight, and Alice and Jasper had only just left.

Esme wandered over to one of the long windows near the front of the house. From where she stood, she could see a shiny silver Volvo had pulled into the drive. Dressed in jeans and a button down t-shirt, Esme's eldest son emerged from his car and turned to face the window. His topaz eyes met hers through the glass, and he smiled. Edward had missed his mum.

Esme was a flutter of emotions. Of course, she had missed her son, but his return hadn't quite come at an ideal time. Then again, maybe this is what Alice had been talking about this morning.

Alice had had a vision. She had seen a silver Volvo, parked in the drive way, and Carlisle's black Mercedes parked behind it. She had said nothing more to the family. The most she would say was that if they intervened, then it would not end well. Esme knew that there was no way she would be able to keep Edward from reading her mind. As soon as he stepped foot in the house he would know that she had been here. Even if Esme managed to keep her thoughts away from Bella, he would smell her. Especially in her room. Esme knew Bella had spent the night in there. She briefly mused with the thought of locking him out of his own room. Maybe she could say she was redecorating it... but Edward was smarter than that. He'd still know.

This was probably what Alice had been talking about. Esme gave in and let the joy of seeing her son again flood over her. "Edward," she smiled, meeting him on the porch.

Edward grinned back at her. He hugged her tightly, lifting her slightly off the ground. "Hi mum."

She laughed lightly when she touched base with the porch again. "I've missed you so much, honey."

"I missed you too," Edward chuckled. He kissed her head. "Where is everyone?' he said looking around. "Weren't Rosie and Emmett coming to stay soon?"

Esme laughed, remembering this morning. Edward caught the memory in her mind and laughed with her. Cringing slightly at the thought of his siblings in _that_ situation. It was a bit too much info.

Suddenly, the easiness of the conversation died. Much too quickly. Edward had just gotten a glimpse of something else from Esme's mind. He saw Esme hugging Bella goodbye at the front door, and he watched her leave the house with Carlisle, both climbing into his black mercedes. The memory morphed into another; Esme was unable to hold them in now.

He saw Esme sitting on the couch in the living room, a petite brunette resting her head on her shoulder, eyes closed, skin pale. Across from them sat Carlisle on the edge of the coffee table, hand extended, grasping the girl's hand encouragingly. He heard Esme murmur something to the girl. He knew Esme was trying her best not to sob. Finally he heard the brunette's voice, "_I still love him."_

Edward was taken aback. He literally stumbled a few steps backward. He looked at Esme in shock. "Is it true, Esme? She was here?"

Esme took her time, answering aloud. Edward knew the answer immediately from her mind, but she still said it aloud, determined to feel some sort of control over the way this conversation was going. "Yes. She is living here with us, Edward. She's working at the same hospital as Carlisle. They've gone in today for her first day of work. She is his intern."

"And.. is it true..?" Edward trailed off. He was afraid to say it aloud. He had seen it in Esme's mind, but he needed to know the truth. Did Bella still love him? Or had she been talking about someone else? He felt about a thousand feelings at once. Regret, anguish, distress, and even happiness, and love flooded through him, like a drug injected into a main artery. He felt shaky. He was suddenly unsure of his surroundings.

Esme gave him a slight smile. She read the emotions that flickered by his face. She knew how Edward felt about Bella, and since last night, she knew how Bella felt about Edward. "It's always been you, honey. But I think you have some apologizing to do."

**A/N: (Yes, another one.) I'm sorry this chapter was kind of short. My intention was to make it about twice as long as this, but I didn't have time to get to everything yet, so I've decided to enter it as two different chapters. (I didn't want to wait another day to post haha) You'll get the next one hopefully by tomorrow night! Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming and I'll try and post the chapters as often as I can :)**


	9. Damned by the light

**CHAPTER NINE:  
Damned by the light**

_Standing there by a broken tree,  
Her hands were all twisted, she was pointing at me.  
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes.  
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.  
She said "Walk on over yeah to the bit of shade,  
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved."  
-Let Me Sign (Rob Pattinson)_

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Bella had a fantastic first day at work. Carlisle had been easy on her, and she enjoyed the time they spent together. They had begun they day doing a tour of the hospital, eventually working their way up to tending to less-urgent patients. Bella never felt a hint of bloodlust. Carlisle was incredibly proud of her extensive knowledge and her resistance. Bella felt like she was finally putting all of her long nights of studying to use.

The day went by fast. Carlisle and Bella drove to her apartment, where he helped her load all of her things into duffle bags that Esme had given them before work. Bella left behind the major pieces of furniture, and locked up the apartment. She would go back there eventually to deal with that stuff.

Bella felt completely at ease with Carlisle. She appreciated that he had not tried to bring up the subject of Edward. Now, seated in the car with Carlisle, surrounded by bags of her possessions, Bella was rather excited. She couldn't wait to move into their home. Bella was drumming her fingers on the window ledge in anticipation. They were pulling into the Cullen's long winding drive when Bella noticed Carlisle stiffen beside her. Bella moved her eyes from her hand to look out the front window. What she saw surprised her more than any other the other possibilities she had been considering would have. There, parked in front of them, sat an all too recognizable shiny silver Volvo. Carlisle pulled the car to a stop behind the Volvo. For a moment, neither of them moved.

"He's back?" Bella was frightened.

"I swear Bella, I didn't know." Carlisle said, shaking his head. She believed him. Bella pushed the bag that had been sitting on her lap to the floor, and reached for the door handle. She ripped it open and climbed out of the car, her bags forgotten. She didn't know why, but she felt the need to run to the house, to see if it really was him there. She walked up the steps of the porch, almost drunkenly.

/////////////////////////////////////

 Edward had spent the day pacing the house. Esme had conveyed the message to him that Bella still cared about him, but warned him that she probably wouldn't be happy with him until he explained himself, and even then, she would still be hurt and shocked. Edward knew now, with the help of Esme's mind, that Bella was a vampire. He had watched the scene unfold in his head as Bella told Esme and Carlisle what had happened to her in the woods. He was disgusted with himself. He had been gone mere hours and she had been hurt. It was useless. He had left for no good reason. How could he possibly justify his actions to her now? Edward had told her that he didn't love her, and then she was attacked by Victoria. He wondered briefly if Bella thought it had been planned against her. _No,_ he stopped himself. There was no way that Edward was going to let himself believe that. Absolutely not. She could never think that badly of him.. he hoped.

Edward's main concern was letting her see that he still loved her. He had lied to her so well that he now regretted it even more. He knew she probably wouldn't believe him, but he had to do it some how. Edward wasn't even sure she would still _want _him. He'd have to try.

Esme stood aside for the day, as she watched her son pace the house nervously, trying to come up with ways to solve his desperate problem. She knew he only had a few more hours left until Bella and Carlisle came home with her stuff. She hoped that this wouldn't cause Bella to want to leave. They only just got her back. Esme couldn't afford to lose one of her children again.

Alice had warned Esme not to get involved in the situation. She tried her best to stay out, only offering the bits of memory that Edward would undoubtedly be able to read whether she tried to block him out or not. She had never been the best at blocking him. The need to be honest with her son was too strong.

Esme hear the distant sound of a car approaching. Apparently, so had Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Rose, and Edward. From their positions scattered about the house, Esme heard them all stop, and make their ways towards the front of the house where they were most likely looking out the window for the approaching vehicle. Esme felt a gust of wind go by her and turned just in time to see Edward flee out the back door. She sighed. Apparently he wasn't quite ready for a reunion yet.

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Edward flew out the back door and into the trees. He stopped when he was deep enough in the trees that he wasn't clearly visible from the house. He began to circle around toward the front of the house, staying under the cover of the dark forest. Edward stopped when he could see Carlisle's black Mercedes come to a stop behind his Volvo. Edward could only imagine what the two of them were thinking right then. Well, he could hear what Carlisle was thinking, but he couldn't hear what Bella was thinking, obviously. It was stupid of him to toy with the idea that maybe he would be able to now that she was different. While he didn't want to be able to hear her thoughts because he knew how she liked that privacy, he had to admit that it would come in handy during the inevitable argument that would soon happen.

He watched from the trees as Bella and Carlisle got out of the car. _God,_ she was still so beautiful, even more so if that was even possible. He could see the anger contorting on her face and she stormed up the stairs. She was so _graceful. _Edward had to admit, not much had changed about her appearance. She still had that creamy, pale skin she always had, and her long brown hair. The only obvious differences were the way she held herself, and her eyes. They were no longer the deep brown they used to be, but were rather topaz like his. Well, he knew they would be topaz like his, right now they were black with anger.

Edward wanted to run to her, to hold her to him closely. He wanted to whisper in her ear that he was sorry. Edward couldn't stand to see her with that look of hurt on her face, but he understood. He would be hurt if she had done what he did. Edward felt compelled to fix this, and fast. Bella didn't deserve to be feeling like this, and he was determined to turn this around as soon as possible. The best he could hope for was that she would decide he was worthy of her. That was something he had always doubted, especially now.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, making it stand on ends. Edward watched from the distance as she pulled the front door open, and slipped into the house, leaving the door open behind her for Carlisle, who was momentarily frozen in spot still, staring blankly at Edward's Volvo. Carlisle shook his head slowly, to himself, and looked up directly at the spot in the woods where Edward was hidden. He shook his head again, this time at Edward. There was a frown on his face, as he turned away and flew up the stairs and into the house, closing the door silently behind him. Edward hadn't gotten much from Carlisle's mind, but the general gist of it was frustration. He wasn't surprised. He had, once again, screwed up the family. Last time, he had forced them out of their home and away from a member of their family, this time, all he had to do was show up.

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Inside the house, it was pandemonium. Bella stood in the door way of the house, looking around at the members of her family. She was unsure if she should be angry with them for not giving her any notice, or be upset with herself for letting this happen. Bella wanted to see Edward, there was no doubt about that, but she had certainly not counted on it being this soon. She had barely had any time to re-associate herself with the rest of the family. Hell, she hadn't even brought her stuff in the _house_ yet.

The fact that Edward was nowhere to be seen was a relief to her. The relief did not last long however, when she heard the back door of the house open and close loudly. Trust him to use the noise as a bit of warning for her. Or was he doing it to taunt her? It was obviously him, every other member of the family was standing around her, staring at her, unsure of what to do. Maybe he was trying to let her know that he was there so that she would leave him alone. After all, why would he want to be around her. He had told her how he felt those few years ago back in Forks, why should that have changed since?

Bella looked at her family. "Will someone help me bring in my stuff?" She looked at Alice, who replied immediately.

"I'm not getting involved in this. Don't ask me." She turned around and walked up stairs. Bella didn't understand but turned to Emmett and Jasper instead. They both looked at her and smiled cautiously, but happily.

"Of course, Bells." Jasper replied, filling the air with a more relaxed atmosphere, desperate to be rid of everyone's overwhelming feelings of anticipation. Alice seemed to be the only person who knew what was happening or what _would _happen, and she wouldn't help. Jasper figured he might as well do what he could until he was told not to.

Emmett and Jasper followed Bella outside to Carlisle's car, where she popped the trunk with the keys Carlisle had handed her, and began unloading her bags.

Emmett spoke up after a few minutes of silence, "Jee, Bells, you sure you needed our help? You're probably stronger and faster than we are since you're so young." He tried to make a joke, and Bella tried to laugh. The situation was obviously still tense, everyone in their own world, trying to figure out what to do next. Jasper sent another round of calming emotions. Bella hadn't really needed their help with her bags, there hadn't been that many, but she didn't want to be alone at the moment.

Bella heard foot steps from behind her as picked up another bag. She froze where she was. His scent announced it was him. She vaguely registered Jasper and Emmett leaving her there alone, and walking into the house. Bella was afraid to look. She knew Edward would look physically the same, but what would he do when he saw her? She figured that he already knew she was different, but what if he didn't want her to be here? What if he made her family leave her _again?_ Her last thought made her extremely angry. She would _not_ allow him to do that again. What the hell did he want to talk to her about? Hadn't he already hurt he enough? Slowly, she turned around to face him.

///////////////////////////////////////////

Bella was pulling suitcases out of the back of Carlisle's car with the help of Emmett and Jasper when Edward came out of the house. He took a few steps towards the car and stopped. Emmett and Jasper seemed to get the hint from the look he was giving them, and then quickly took the bags they had unloaded into the house, leaving the rest for later. Bella threw the bag she was holding down as she turned to glare at him. Anger was apparent on her face.

"Can we talk Bella? Please.." Edward was begging her. He seemed to know his attempt was fruitless, but he had to try either way.

"What is there to talk about, Edward?" She sneered his name. Pent up emotions suddenly began to flow out of her. Bella felt like the inner wall that she has used to hide away her feelings had suddenly burst like a faulty damn. "You _left _me. You _LEFT_ me alone and fucking _broken_." He didn't reply. "After everything, after all the promises you made me, you _still_ left." She really, _really_ wanted to hit him, almost as much as she wanted to cry.

Edward answered hesitantly, "I thought if I left you would be safe."

Bella laughed bitterly. "Well, you were fucking wrong, Edward. Victoria still found me! Look at me! I always wanted to be like this," she gestured to her body, "But _never_ at the hands of anyone but _you_." Bella turned away from him, not wanting him to see the hurt on her face. Then again, he deserved this anger. She had spent months angry at him, why not let him finally see it? He needed to know what he had done to her. From the corner of her eye, she saw him cringe in pain. It looked as if someone had punched him in the gut. She knew it was a low blow to bring out Victoria, but at the moment she didn't care.

"I still want you, Bella," he replied gloomily.

"And how the _hell _am I supposed to know that I can trust you? You lied to me once, how am I supposed to know that you aren't lying to me now?" She was irritated. How dare he believe that he could merely walk back into her life and expect her to take him back? "You expect way too much of me, Edward." He didn't reply again, and chose to simply stare at her instead, allowing her the chance to let out her feelings. "My life _revolved_ around you. You took away my life when you left me in the woods, not to mention my _family,_" she finished bitterly. Bella spun on her heel, heading into the woods. "Don't fucking follow me," she yelled when she heard him begin to follow her. Edward stopped dead in his tracks, and let her go, watching her slender figure disappear into the shadows of the trees.

////////////////////////////

Emmett and Jasper were standing in the living room when Edward came back into the house. _You alright, man? I'm getting a lot of mixed emotions off of you right now..._Jasper thought, looking at Edward sympathetically. He shook his head, and brushed past Jasper, walking up the stairs to his bedroom, shutting the door tightly behind him. Even _here_ he couldn't get away from her. Her scent lingered from the night before when she spent the night crying on his couch. Edward hadn't been back in his room since he came back. He hardly used this room anyway. Most of his time had been spent on the road. Edward walked over to the stereo and pressed play without thinking about what would was in the stereo. As Debussy's music filled the room, he wondered briefly if she had been listening to it last night.

Alice knocked lightly on his door, and opened it slowly, peering through the crack. "Edward?" He looked up. She slid over to the couch and silently sat down next to her brother. She hadn't been close with him since he forced them to leave Forks. Alice held a grudge against him for making her leave her best friend, but she could not help but feel bad for him now, in this situation. Alice knew how much he cared about Bella, and she knew how much Bella cared about him. The part that killed her was that if she did anything to try and help them through this, it wouldn't work out. The vision she had had was confusing, but lead her to believe that if she interfered and played messenger for them, things would be misunderstood and it would only become worse. Alice wouldn't risk letting her family be torn apart again when it was so close to being sewn back together. She placed a hand lightly on Edward's back and rubbed it up and down slowly. "Give her time, Edward. You need to be more patient," she said.

Edward groaned beside her. "What do you see, Alice? Will she ever forgive me?" He hung his head in his hands, his voice barely above a whisper. He was begging for answers, for confirmation that this would work out and that he would somehow get his Bella back.

"I can't help you, Edward. If I interfere, it will not be good. That's all I can tell you." She stood slowly, giving him a pitiful look, and walked away, calling behind her, "You'll figure it out."

Edward spent the remainder of the night in that position on the couch, patiently waiting, the best he could, for Bella to come back. Edward began to worry for her safety when she had not returned and it was nearing dawn. He eventually moved downstairs to brood on the couch there. He considered leaving the house and looking for Bella in the forest. However, he did not allow himself to give in and go after Alice had calming walked past him, shaking her head and frowning at him. He laughed cynically to himself. Alice had probably seen the further damage he would have done if he went looking for her. He would just have to wait.

A few more hours passed and Edward finally caught a hint of Bella's scent outside the house. He stood from his seat as she entered the front door. Bella strode towards the stairs with a determined look on her face. She stopped and turned towards Edward before she reached the bottom of the staircase. Emotions flickered in both their eyes and they looked deeply into one an others, but it did not last long. Both had remained silent, but Bella eventually broke the exchange, looking down at the floor momentarily and shaking her head slowly. She turned her body away from Edward's and went upstairs in a flash.

Twenty minutes passed and Edward was still frozen in his place when Bella came back down the stairs, in a fresh outfit. This time however, she did not return his gaze, but rather ignored his presence altogether, and walked straight out of the house to meet Carlisle at the car. Edward was still staring at nothing when he heard the car turn around and pull out of the drive.

Esme came to stand next to Edward, taking his hand in hers. She did not speak aloud, but rather in her mind to him. _They will be back this evening, they've just gone to work. I'm going upstairs to work as well. _He nodded to her, without looking her in the eyes. Esme sighed and dropped his hand, heading up the stairs to finish her latest project for work.

Edward eventually found his way back to the couch. Rosalie and Emmett announced that they were going out for the day to hunt and spend time together. The two felt uncomfortable in the house with Edward when he was acting like this. Jasper too, was unable to feel at ease. Edward's mixed emotions were too much for him. Alice took this as an opportunity to escape the house with Jasper. The temptation to tell Edward what to say to Bella was becoming too strong, so she needed to get out before she did something she shouldn't do. Vision or not, it was still their problem to sort out and it would be best if no one else got involved.

The day would undoubtedly be long. Edward had already spent the entire night considering what he would say her her when she got back. Now he just needed to work up the nerve to talk to her again. Since Edward already knew that Bella still loved him, he was a bit more confident. However, he still needed to get through to her and make her see that he still loved her as well, despite what he had told her when he left her alone in the forest back in Forks. He wanted Bella to see that he was sorry for what he did, that he wanted nothing more than to fix it and have her back in his life. He couldn't imagine spending the rest of eternity without her by his side. The last few years had been hard enough.

Edward spent the afternoon at the piano. It had been a while since he played anything. The last time had been for Bella back at the house in Forks. He wished that she was there next to him, leaning lightly against him like she used to when he would play for her. He could imagine the way her hair smelt against his shoulder, and the way her lips turned up into a smile when she closed her eyes and let herself dive into his music. Edward could almost hear her heart beat, acting as a makeshift metronome for him as his fingers danced across the keys. He had his eyes closed now, fueling the memory, but not impeding his playing. Edward smoothly transitioned the song from Esme's favorite into Bella's Lullaby. If he could cry, he would.

He was so absorbed in the music that he did not hear Esme come up behind him. Edward only noticed her presence when she played her hand lightly on his shoulder. Her gentle touch surprised him, but her thoughts let him know it was only Esme. Not quite who he had hoped.

_I truly hope this works out for you, Edward. I have a feeling that Bella will come around. Give her time, son._ He whispered a response, "Thanks Esme." He felt her kiss the top of his head. His fingers hadn't stopped once. He felt Esme slowly remove her hand from his shoulder and somewhere behind him heard her retreat back upstairs.

Time seemed to pass too slowly for Edward. He felt a sort of weird relief when he noticed the sky outside had gradually began to darken. The hour on the clock told him that Bella would be back soon. Also as if his thoughts had summoned her home, he heard the distant sound of Carlisle's car tires crunching along the drive. Edward transitioned once again into Bella's Lullaby, anticipating her arrival. He wasn't sure what to do with himself as he heard her footsteps along side Carlisle's slowly travelling up the porch. He stayed where he was at the piano, playing her song. The way the piano was positioned in the room, it left his back exposed to the front door, so Edward missed the look of pain that fluttered across Bella's face when she came to a stop in the doorway. He vaguely heard Carlisle direct his thoughts to Edward, saying something along the lines of leaving the house with Esme for a few hours to give them privacy.

Cautiously, Bella walked towards Edward's turned back. As if he knew what she was doing, he slid down to one side of the piano bench, leaving her enough space to take her usual spot next to him. Neither of them looked at each other as she sat down. Edward continued playing, simply restarting the song when it finished. He played the song once through, both of them remaining silent. When it finished, Edward turned slowly to look at Bella. She kept her eyes directed at the piano.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Will you please let me explain myself?"

She turned to look at him. He could tell she was trying to hide her emotions, but they bled out of her every pore. She spoke hesitantly, "Yes." There was a pregnant pause. "I had a lot to think about last night... I think I'm ready to hear what you have to say now." Edward nodded in reply, and slowly stood up, warily reaching out for her hand. He was unsure of how she would react. Bella froze for a moment, questioning his hand, but calmed herself quickly and took it, allowing him to gently pull her to her feet. The touch of their hands allowed them both to feel the familiar electricity that used to course between them. Their eyes met and they both struggled to hide a small smile at the feel of the attraction between them.

They walked hand in hand up the stairs to Edward's room. He held open the door for her, and closed it behind her when they were in the room. They were alone in the house, but Edward still didn't feel like the living room was the right place to have this conversation.

Edward turned away from her, finally dropping her hand. He ran his own through his hair, leaving it standing on end. "I don't know what to say to you, Bella." He paced the room nervously, as her eyes followed his every move.

"Tell me," she began. "Did you mean it?" Bella did not have to clarify what she meant. Edward already knew that she was talking about what happened in the forest back in Forks.

"I lied to you, Bella," he spewed urgently as the pacing stopped. He rushed forward to her but left enough room between them. He didn't want to push his luck. She may have allowed him to hold her hand, but she wasn't necessarily going to be jumping into his arms any time soon. "I thought, if I got away from you that you would be safe." The pacing resumed. "It was stupid of me, I know. I should have realized that by leaving you, you would get into even worse situations. I should have known that Victoria would some day come back." He gave her a wry smile. "You always have been a magnet for danger, Bella."

Something had shifted in Bella. The anger that she had held for him initially, had dissipated over the course of the day, when she realized she couldn't hate him. She needed an explanation, yes, but she couldn't act hostile towards him anymore. He understood that he had hurt her, that had to have been enough. Bella felt comforted to know that he wanted her back. Carlisle and the rest of the family had been vague on the details, insisting it wasn't their story to tell, but they did tell her that Edward's love for her had never once died. It explained his absence from the family. They were one of the worst reminders of her for him.

So now, as she stood in front of Edward, as she listened to him stumble over his words, she couldn't help but feel relief. He still wanted her, and that was what really mattered to her.

"I know what I did was wrong, Bella. Had I stayed with you, you wouldn't be a vampire. I would have caught that bitch and torn her to pieces before she could lay a finger on you." Edward paused, stopping his pacing at the same time. He walked slowly up towards her, keeping his distance again. "I'm in a trap of my own actions here, Bella. I don't know what to do. I need us to be happy together. Fuck, I just need _us_." He hesitantly reached out to place a hand on her arm. When she didn't shrug it off, he took it as a good sign and continued. "I still love you, Bella, I always have. If you don't want to ever see me again, I understand. I'll leave right away if you ask me to. I won't pull you away from the family anymore. It was wrong of me to do. You deserve to be with them much more than I do..." he said honestly. Edward had nothing left to say. He hung his head defeated, awaiting any sort of response from her. Bella seemed almost as nervous as he was.

"So," she began, unsure of the reaction she would get, "you... you still love me?" She rang her hands together anxiously.

"Yes," he whispered, looking her in the eyes. The topaz color suited her.

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

Bella took a step forward, and placed her hand to the side of his face. She looked him in the eyes and let out a steady breath, that she didn't know she was holding. "You know, I never really gave up on you," she whispered, "part of me hoped you would someday come back to me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered back. He looked her in the eyes, feeling a renewed urgency to explain himself further. "I've missed you so much. There hasn't been a single day, not even an hour, that I haven't thought of you. I should have never left you. It's all my fault that you're like this, Bella. I should have been there to-"

Bella pressed her finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. "Stop it Edward, please."

"No, Bella." He gently took her hand from his lips, holding it tightly in his own hand. "I need to know... are you sure you still want me? You're sure that there is no one else? You're sure that I'm the one for you?" he trailed off, his face filled with worry. He really didn't want to lose her, but he still felt that after all he had done, he didn't deserve her.

"It was always you," Bella cried suddenly. She startled him by throwing her arms around his neck abruptly, closing the gap between their bodies. Edward snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly to him. He relished in the feel of her body against his. It was as if their bodies had been carved out of stone, designed perfectly to fit one another. He took in a deep breath of her scent as their lips finally met in a bittersweet reunion, gentle, but intense. Bella's hands found their way into Edward's hair, as he rubbed his hands up and down the small of her back. He pulled her even closer, filling their equal desire to be as close as possible. Their kisses grew deeper and more intense, and Bella moaned into Edward's mouth, sending him over the edge. He lifted her up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist as he grabbed onto her bottom to hold her up. Their touches became more intimate as Edward slid a hand up the back of her shirt, caressing her smooth skin. Bella moaned again.

Edward took a few steps forward, pressing Bella's back into the wall. He made a deep throaty noise when he felt her tug at the bottom of his shirt. He broke away from her just long enough to pull it off quickly, allowing her hands to roam his chest while he attacked her neck with kisses.

They were drowning in each other's scents now. Bella was relishing in the feel of his skin on hers. She had felt it before, of course, but never quite so intimately, and it had never _felt_ like this. He had always been so cool to her, whereas now his skin was warm and felt even _more _perfect, if that were possible.

The feel of his lips on her neck drove her mad. Bella slipped a hand into his hair, pulling his face back up to meet hers, allowing their lips to crash together with undeniable urgency. She wanted to feel every inch of him. He slid his tongue across her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She allowed it.

Bella felt a hand on her butt, gently supporting her weight but also rubbing her thigh at the same time. She moaned into Edward's mouth again, and pulled her head away, diving to attack his neck. Somewhere along the way Bella had lost her shirt, revealing her black bra, and Edward's hands were becoming more and more adventurous. The two found their way over to Edward's couch, where Edward laid down and Bella sat down on top of him, legs on either side of his waist. Her eyes and hands were traveling over his exposed chest. His eyes roam hers and she felt momentarily uncomfortable. In their relationship before he left, Edward had never seen her this exposed. His eyes traveled back up to her face.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back down on top of him to kiss her gently. Their pace had slowed down, their kisses had become less urgent, although they still held the same desire and passion.

Edward grabbed her face, stopping her, and looked her in the eyes. "You really should hate me for what I've done to you, Bella," he sighed sadly.

"I can't. I tried, remember?" She paused, laughing slightly, and stared deeply into his topaz eyes. "Promise me one thing, Edward." Her expression was serious again.

He stiffened slightly, only moving to stroke her hair in response. "What is it, love?"

"Promise you won't ever leave me again," she said, her voice barely audible.

Edward smiled. "I promise," and pulled her face down again to meet his in a passionate kiss. Bella smiled against his mouth, relieved. She knew she would be able to trust him this time, but that was something to think about later. Right now, Bella wanted to feel every inch of Edward. She wanted to become reconnected with him. She needed to be. Bella pulled her face away from his a fraction of an inch to speak.

"Make love to me, Edward," Bella whispered just millimetres from his lips, her cool breath mingling with his. She didn't need to say it twice.

**A/N: Sorry this one took so long to post. I've been pretty busy, and had a few migraines. Believe me, it's impossible to write or even THINK about writing when you have one of those. Also, sorry if you wanted Lemons, but I don't write that stuff. haha**


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